Dr. Beads

Friday, April 29, 2005


I think I have terminal PMS.

Oh, don't worry. I'm not actually going to die from it.

Someone else might, though.

All Together: Money!

An ATM near my workplace now offers three single-key options for draining money from my account:





Given the neighborhood, I think that last option should be labeled "bling-bling."

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Maybe My Glasses Aren't OK

My eyes and brain regularly play practical jokes on me. They enjoy observing my double-takes as I try to figure out whether that street sign, billboard, package, etc. really says that bizarre thing that I first thought it said.

You probably don't want to know what I thought the parking-structure sign had printed on it, but it actually read "Pedestrian Entrance."

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Antiques Roadshow

I was driving my son on an errand. Again.

At an intersection near our house, I pointed out a Jaguar.

My son commented, "And there's a vintage 1918 Republican inside! I understand these are worth millions now!"

I was able to continue driving, but with difficulty.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

OK, Where is S/He, Then?

The dream voice said, menacingly, "Bewaaare. The one you ssseeeek iss not heeere."

Beats "These are not the 'droids you're looking for," IMHO, but where the hell isss the one I am ssseeeekingg, then?

Friday, April 22, 2005

My Glasses are OK, Believe it or Not

This just in from the San Jose Mercury News, re the Wendy's brouhaha:

"[San Jose Police Chief] Davis also thanked all the agencies involved in the month-long inquiry into Las Vegas resident Anna Ayala's claim that she found a finger tip in a bowl of child purchased at a Wendy's restaurant in South San Jose."

My reactions:
OK, so what was the problem? Wouldn't you expect to find a finger in a bowl of child? It's one of the best parts.

Maybe when she said "supersize me," she expected to get a bowl full of fingers. (She should have ordered the finger bowl in that case.)

P.S. The typo was corrected by the time I posted this, doggone it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Bring it on!

I was driving my son to a store. I saw a couple walking a dog.

I said, "There's a cute dog. Hey, it's a boxer."

From the back seat, my son said, quietly, confidently:

"I could take him."

Friday, April 15, 2005

Cranky? I'll Show You Cranky

This is one mother who wasn't afraid to fight when they tried to pull the plug on her babies!

I note that the father-to-be had been "removed from her tank for crankiness" and subsequently died.

This has all the makings of a good tabloid story.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Random Act of Kindness, or Evil Conspiracy?

There was a single rose near my front door.

Several feet away, there was dog stuff.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Thank Goodness for Multitasking

If not for multitasking, I would have died of boredom alternating with confusion well before the end of my two-hour conference call today.

I have almost nothing to do with the "new and improved" process that the call was about, so I was hoping to come away feeling better informed after the call.

As it turned out, comments and criticisms came in fast and furious from many call participants who actually knew what the hell the call was about. This led me to feel even less informed than I did before the call.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Socks are a Few of My Favorite Things

My sister and I sat in her (now also my) accountant's office as he worked with the tax data about our mother's estate.

I looked down. "Nice socks," I told my sister.

The next day, we were cleaning the old house in preparation for renting it out. I looked down. "Nice socks," I told my sister.

Have I mentioned that the accountant looks like J.E.B. Stuart, the Confederate General?

I didn't get a chance to look at his socks, though.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Happines is Not...

...dreaming about being coached what to say to police about supposedly false accusations of terrible abuse, with me as victim, and realizing mid-dream that the abuse actually happened (in the context of the dream), to a much more horrible and damaging degree than the police knew about.